Letter from Kyle
by Ruby-Guardian
Summary: /Overall, you crazy fangirls who have me and stan as your OTP then fine, but stop making me look like a whiney, suicidal teen that has a crazy obssesion with his best friend./ Kyle takes a moment from his life to write a letter about the stuff he read on fan-fiction these. (Rated T for minor language)


Hello all who read this, this is Kyle, and I'm hear to tell you about my friend, Stan, and how you all apparently think he and I are a couple.

Let me begin by saying that I never really saw Stan as more than a friend. Sure I go to him when I have problems or completely collapse from the stupidity of South Park and need to rant about crap, but that's just it. He's just my friend and always will be.

So you can understand now why I blushed when some of Wendy's otaku, don't ask how I know that word, friends came to me and gave me stories to read and asked for my permision to post on some website.

Being gay, and yeah I admit it, I knew it would be about me and Kenny or fatass fucking.

I read the stories and they were all the fucking same.

I confess to stan, he doesn't accept my feelings, I attempt suicide, he saves me and admits his new found feelings and we fuck like bunnies.

Or maybe I come out of nowhere admitting my feelings and he accepts them right off the bat and we fuck like bunnies.

And who can forget the ever so popular, me and stan just plain fucking like bunnies!

So many things I could say, but let's just start with the first one.

I wouldn't go all emo and kill myself because he didn't return my feelings. I'd get over him and if he later wanted me well then screw him he had his chance. Hypothetically speaking if I did like my heterosexual friend.

It makes no sense to me, he's like a brother to me, but apparently that just means were fuck buddies to everybody I guess.

I admit, we have our gay moments that ocassionaly slip by without notice, but does that mean were automatically a couple? If it does then I'm a bigger whore than Cartman's mom.

And before you say anything, _no its not an insult_. Last week I saw her have a freaking orgy with a plumber and two guys that work in Walmart. Needless to say I called in sick the day after.

I'm getting off topic.

Anyways, point is I wouldn't get all emo because we broke up, or he didn't feel the same or cause 'the pressure was too much.'

That's also very popular.

I've lived with my, admittedly, bitchy mom for fifteen years, and all of a sudden I crack from pressure and kill myself because I can't take it anymore?!

I'd never do that! Before I was even ten I had met space aliens, nearly killed by some guy trying to kill my egg (don't ask), got in trouble with the Yakuza or Triad, whatever their called, and I'm supposed to panic because my mom has too high expectations for me?

My mom nearly started a war on Canada because the movie was a bad influence on me. Its pretty obvious she cares and wants the best for me, when I came out and told her I was gay she only said that butt-fucking's dangerous and to use protection and don't let others take advantage (cause apparently I'm also bottom in her opinion), and don't forget the importance of school a college degree, and all this shit.

Back to '_Style_' as you call it. Nobody really pays attention to one variable in the entire concept of Style apparently.

Wendy.

First of all, you all portray her as a bitch. She isn't a bitch, she just makes her point clear and believes in logic like I do. Only when dealing with fat ass does she have to do something strange which actually looks pretty normal coming from her. She has a system for doing things and stands up for what she thinks is right. That's doesn't make her a bitch.

Do I wish she'd treat Stan better? Yeah, but that's not out of jealousy, it's just being a good friend and caring.

Overall, you crazy fangirls who have me and Stan as your OTP then fine, but stop making me look like a whiney, suicidal teen that has a crazy obsession with his best friend.

I'm a guy who believes in logic and other fish in the sea, who doesn't complain about every little thing, only the big things, like fat ass. Yeah I just did a play on words, hopefully watching South Park hasn't killed all your brain cells yet.

Hope this got the message across,

Sincerely,

~Kyle Broflovski


End file.
